People are made all sorts of different ways. We are driven by different things, love different activities, think differently, and have different perspectives.
I've always wanted to be that type of person who is go-with-the-flow, happy to sit and watch TV all day, doesn't have a worry to be found when the sky is falling right in front of he or she. I've always admired the individual who felt perfectly content with no schedule, no goal to be reached, and no real agenda for the day. Not lazy, just chill.
I admire them so much that I'm dating one who is excellent at staying even-keel and relaxed at all times.
I, however, am nowhere near being this person, and this truth has become increasingly more evident in the past few weeks.
I like having a schedule, I thrive on structure, and I love nothing more than making to-do lists and completing tasks. Not just some times, but most of the time. I've been unemployed since mid July and this character trait (or flaw depending on how you see it) is not going anywhere.
Being the over-analyzer that I am, I have been wondering whether or not there is something seriously wrong with this characteristic.
I mean really... I have issues.
Just about every night I'll think to myself that the next day I'm just going to go where the wind takes me; wake up when I feel like it, explore what I want, apply for random jobs along the way, and play it all by ear.
I don't play things by ear. Not even sort of. I'm a huge poser if I tell you that's what I'm doing.
Instead I wake up every day between 7:30 and 8:30, wash my face, brush my teeth, put on some type of recreational-friendly apparel, check my email, search craigslist, apply for any jobs that look good, and then sit down to eat breakfast (in that exact order). The ONLY variation to this is that I may throw in my morning workout before eating.
After breakfast I move around organizing my room unnecessarily for about 15 minutes, check craigslist again, and then gather my things in a backpack to go "explore" for the day.
"Explore" is a loose term for me. It certainly doesn't include going to any location without mapquesting first, or just stopping at random places simply because they look fun. No no, that would be too much for my schedule-loving self. "Explore" means I go run somewhere and then hit the beach afterwards.
Well at least going to the beach is a go-with-the-flow activity right??
It would be if I didn't already have my selected location to sit at each beach, have a methodical way of applying sunscreen, and spend my time there the same way each time; read first, listen to music next, and then catch up with people on the phone.
Oh and I like being there for increments of 20 minutes... No, I'm sadly not kidding. Staying for like an hour and 13 minutes might give me an ulcer.
Depending on how well I entertain myself on the beach, I will typically try to throw in another stop or activity on the way home, just to feel like I actually did something that day. Today it was picking out a movie from Blockbuster, yesterday it was shopping at the mall to see what stores they have, and the day before that it was hitting up the convenience store to buy deodorant; which I may add that the lady tried to charge me 80 cents too much for. I wouldn't have noticed the error if I didn't have a set way of selecting the best deals on things... which I do, of course.
It is not that I need things to be a certain way, it is that I naturally think of things in an orderly fashion. Before I get to steps 1, 2, and 3, I've already thoroughly thought about steps 10, 11, and 12.
This should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me or what I want to do. After all this is why I love the idea of creating healthy lifestyle plans for people. Not because I am obsessed with health, but because it the one place my structure-obsessed self seems to actually benefit other people. For those who don't think this way and have bad habits, come to me and I'll give you a ten step plan to organize your time and resources so you reach your goals in a time-effective and logical manner. I don't even care if I make much off of it, I'm just relieved to be organizing something besides myself.
So really it can be used to help people in huge ways.
The only problem is that when I have no useful outlet for this gift/curse I end up driving myself nuts.
I can only color-coordinate my closet and clock my runs so many times.
All that to say... some people need more down time to learn to relax and find balance in their overly-structured lives.
I am not one of these people.
What I would benefit from, (and am currently praying for if you care to join), is a positive outlet for all this excess creative and organizational energy. If possible, sooner rather than later. A job where I can help others and share some of this structure would be amazing.
Just to clarify for my mother, don't worry I'm not turning OCD here:)
As a side note: yes I am in paradise, so please don't hear me complaining. No one likes THAT person.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
A New Appreciation...
Crap... I'm going to have to start all of my blogs with an apology/explanation/lame excuse for why I haven't written in over a month. I've intended to write, I swear, but most of my thoughts have been all over the place and I figured I'd avoid making others crazy with my incessant pointless rambling.
But whatever, need to move past that...
I've been here almost four weeks and thus far I've gained a new appreciation for several things.
First, I have a new appreciation for anyone who moves to an unfamiliar place.
I'm not talking like Idaho, but more like somewhere where you feel very out-of-place in the culture. Yes indeed Hawaii is apart of the USA and there are many obvious clues of this fact, however I've quickly come to see that it is very different from the other states, for better or worse.
For better: incredible weather all the time, laid-back culture that relieves stress, fresh fruit, beautiful flowers, incredible coffee, beaches and incredible scenery, always something to do outside, and a fun-loving joyful culture.
For worse: prices are ridiculous for everything, street names are impossible to pronounce (some are literally ONLY vowels), lack of fast pace results in less getting done and people being late, some prejudice that comes from locals disliking outsiders, lack of employment opportunities, and clueless tourists all over the place.
All that to say this place, like many, takes some getting use to and adjusting to. I would not claim to be adjusted... not really even close. But all in time...
Secondly, I have developed an appreciation for people willing to help and take time to be welcoming.
When you know very few people and feel sort of lost and over your head, sometimes the simplest kind word can make your day.
For example: the other day I went to an interview for a position at a coffee shop. Not only did I get lost on the way, realize my resume had printed incorrectly on the way over, dress too casual (annoying since every other interview I have gone to I felt overdressed), and discover midway through the interview that the position I wanted wasn't even really an option any more... but on top of all of that, I had to wait to talk to someone for almost TWO HOURS. So needless-to-say I felt disheartened and discouraged on my way out the door.
But as I was walking to my car though, a man who was also attending the interview looked at me with a smile and said "Well how did that go for you?" With a half smile (but really ready to cry) I told him that I didn't feel great about it and that I was having a hard time finding a simple job--that it was more of a challenge than I had expected. The man just smiled and told me that it is frustrating here, and that people pretty much never hired on the spot in this city anymore, but to hang in there.
Now allow me to explain that in my job hunt I have had basically everything go wrong that could. Like very stupid things that are so unnecessary that I end up laughing at myself on the way home. So this man's simple encouraging comment was like a breath of fresh air.
Thirdly I have a new appreciation for family.
My own family for starters. I'm more and more aware of how blessed I am to have a firm foundation; parents who love me well and brothers who I admire. Not a day goes by that I don't do something that I know would make my mother smile or my father laugh. Not a day goes by that I don't approach a situation a certain way due to the way I was brought up or the lessons I was taught through my family. They are my safe place in this world and truly a gift from God.
A prime example: I am my mother's daughter, through and through. I got to spend all of last year with her and I swear she is ingrained in me in such a way that I hear her responses to things even when we aren't talking. Being far from her is without question the most difficult part of moving. Probably every other day I'll get teary-eyed about her and I have the same response each time: I'll start getting sad and feeling down and at first I'll think of her comforting words and presence, but then DIRECTLY following that I'll hear her say "Now suck it up and go about your day".
I also have an appreciation for other families. Particularly Ray's family at the moment. They have been so welcoming and generous throughout my transition. Due to my lack of employment and major need to interact with people on a daily basis, I am around their house ALL THE TIME. They tell me all sorts of stories, feed me, and make me feel right at home. I mean, I try not to overstay my welcome (which I'm most positive I do), but I can't help but love being in their house!!
So while I'm still on the hunt for an apartment, car, and job... I have developed a new appreciation for many things, and for that I'm thankful.
:)
But whatever, need to move past that...
I've been here almost four weeks and thus far I've gained a new appreciation for several things.
First, I have a new appreciation for anyone who moves to an unfamiliar place.
I'm not talking like Idaho, but more like somewhere where you feel very out-of-place in the culture. Yes indeed Hawaii is apart of the USA and there are many obvious clues of this fact, however I've quickly come to see that it is very different from the other states, for better or worse.
For better: incredible weather all the time, laid-back culture that relieves stress, fresh fruit, beautiful flowers, incredible coffee, beaches and incredible scenery, always something to do outside, and a fun-loving joyful culture.
For worse: prices are ridiculous for everything, street names are impossible to pronounce (some are literally ONLY vowels), lack of fast pace results in less getting done and people being late, some prejudice that comes from locals disliking outsiders, lack of employment opportunities, and clueless tourists all over the place.
All that to say this place, like many, takes some getting use to and adjusting to. I would not claim to be adjusted... not really even close. But all in time...
Secondly, I have developed an appreciation for people willing to help and take time to be welcoming.
When you know very few people and feel sort of lost and over your head, sometimes the simplest kind word can make your day.
For example: the other day I went to an interview for a position at a coffee shop. Not only did I get lost on the way, realize my resume had printed incorrectly on the way over, dress too casual (annoying since every other interview I have gone to I felt overdressed), and discover midway through the interview that the position I wanted wasn't even really an option any more... but on top of all of that, I had to wait to talk to someone for almost TWO HOURS. So needless-to-say I felt disheartened and discouraged on my way out the door.
But as I was walking to my car though, a man who was also attending the interview looked at me with a smile and said "Well how did that go for you?" With a half smile (but really ready to cry) I told him that I didn't feel great about it and that I was having a hard time finding a simple job--that it was more of a challenge than I had expected. The man just smiled and told me that it is frustrating here, and that people pretty much never hired on the spot in this city anymore, but to hang in there.
Now allow me to explain that in my job hunt I have had basically everything go wrong that could. Like very stupid things that are so unnecessary that I end up laughing at myself on the way home. So this man's simple encouraging comment was like a breath of fresh air.
Thirdly I have a new appreciation for family.
My own family for starters. I'm more and more aware of how blessed I am to have a firm foundation; parents who love me well and brothers who I admire. Not a day goes by that I don't do something that I know would make my mother smile or my father laugh. Not a day goes by that I don't approach a situation a certain way due to the way I was brought up or the lessons I was taught through my family. They are my safe place in this world and truly a gift from God.
A prime example: I am my mother's daughter, through and through. I got to spend all of last year with her and I swear she is ingrained in me in such a way that I hear her responses to things even when we aren't talking. Being far from her is without question the most difficult part of moving. Probably every other day I'll get teary-eyed about her and I have the same response each time: I'll start getting sad and feeling down and at first I'll think of her comforting words and presence, but then DIRECTLY following that I'll hear her say "Now suck it up and go about your day".
I also have an appreciation for other families. Particularly Ray's family at the moment. They have been so welcoming and generous throughout my transition. Due to my lack of employment and major need to interact with people on a daily basis, I am around their house ALL THE TIME. They tell me all sorts of stories, feed me, and make me feel right at home. I mean, I try not to overstay my welcome (which I'm most positive I do), but I can't help but love being in their house!!
So while I'm still on the hunt for an apartment, car, and job... I have developed a new appreciation for many things, and for that I'm thankful.
:)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
T-minus ONE week...
I planned on starting this blog several weeks ago, but truthfully when you know you are about to make a big life transition you sort of want to enjoy where you are before it changes.
Therefore I opted out of writing till now.
That or maybe I've avoided writing because I simply have no idea what is coming, and writing about my lack of future plans only accentuates my cluelessness (denial at its' best).
Both are true.
Regardless, I move a week from today so I figured better to start now than never.
For those who think the bio portion of blogs are unworthy of reading, (I fall in that category), I currently live in St. Louis where I was born and raised, and returned to following college graduation. For the past year I have been living at home, working in a new orthopedic medical practice, and spending quality time with my family.
To answer the questions I am frequently asked about my new adventure:
No, I don't have a place to live yet.
No, I'm not living with my boyfriend unless we are married (some call it old-fashioned... others call it a healthy dating relationship).
No, I don't have a job yet.
No, I don't know what type of job I want yet.
No, I don't really care what job I have so long as I make enough and am not miserable.
No, I'm not ashamed in my lack of career aspirations, (pat-on-the-back for all you successful career-minded women... there are just things I care more about... like playing in the ocean).
No, I have no real contacts anywhere close to Hawaii.
What I consider crucial details:
Yes, I can't wait to live in paradise.
Yes, I love to be active and year-round beautiful weather is my version of heaven-on-earth.
Yes, I'm thrilled to live closer to my boyfriend and think this is a wise choice and an incredible opportunity.
That's about it for now... I'm very excited and hope I'll have lots more to share ahead!
Therefore I opted out of writing till now.
That or maybe I've avoided writing because I simply have no idea what is coming, and writing about my lack of future plans only accentuates my cluelessness (denial at its' best).
Both are true.
Regardless, I move a week from today so I figured better to start now than never.
For those who think the bio portion of blogs are unworthy of reading, (I fall in that category), I currently live in St. Louis where I was born and raised, and returned to following college graduation. For the past year I have been living at home, working in a new orthopedic medical practice, and spending quality time with my family.
To answer the questions I am frequently asked about my new adventure:
No, I don't have a place to live yet.
No, I'm not living with my boyfriend unless we are married (some call it old-fashioned... others call it a healthy dating relationship).
No, I don't have a job yet.
No, I don't know what type of job I want yet.
No, I don't really care what job I have so long as I make enough and am not miserable.
No, I'm not ashamed in my lack of career aspirations, (pat-on-the-back for all you successful career-minded women... there are just things I care more about... like playing in the ocean).
No, I have no real contacts anywhere close to Hawaii.
What I consider crucial details:
Yes, I can't wait to live in paradise.
Yes, I love to be active and year-round beautiful weather is my version of heaven-on-earth.
Yes, I'm thrilled to live closer to my boyfriend and think this is a wise choice and an incredible opportunity.
That's about it for now... I'm very excited and hope I'll have lots more to share ahead!
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