Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
ALL beauty
"All beauty is only a reflection.
And whether I am conscience of it or not,
any created thing of which I am amazed,
it is a glimpse of His face to which I bow down.
Do I have eyes to see it's Him and not the thing?"
Excerpt from One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Definition of Friendship (in my eyes:)
I've had a variety of friends in my 25 years of life.
Most were around for a bit and then due to distance, differences, and/or whatever we grew apart.
Sustaining friendships is a challenge to start with, and all my transitioning over the last few years has taught me what I really value in a friendship, as well as what causes great harm to me in one.
I don't think friendship is all about what you can get from it, in fact I would suggest that it's more about how you can serve and love others. I don't think friendship is about always doing the right thing either... that's not practical.
Saying that, I can tell you which friends in my life I feel truly loved by, and this is pretty priceless in my opinion.
And I find that the older I get, the more particular I am about the friendships I form. Not to say that I'm looking for the perfect person or am too good to be friends with anyone, not at all. (Let's be honest, I can be a handful so I appreciate anyone who puts up with me over time; ). But having been hurt a great deal from some relationships in the past, I tend to guard my heart a bit more these days.
And as things get busy, as priorities change, and as life throws a few challenges my way, I have begun to learn what a true friend (for me at least) is.
I believe that people, due to differences in backgrounds/personalities/weaknesses/etc. experience love in different ways. So the following probably doesn't apply to everyone, but it is accurate for me:)
A friend who blesses me...
Will almost always let me be me.... with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not to say he/she won't offer challenge or advice when needed, but that he/she understands that my feeling secure in our relationship might be more valuable than fixing a certain issue.
Strives to be encouraging with words and actions.
Views our relationship as a gift and not a burden.
Listens and understands that generally I just need to talk things out.
Can laugh easily.
Will reassure me when I feel anxious, and not use that moment to tear me down.
Can be honest with me in a graceful way.
Appreciates the person I am.
Doesn't talk poorly about me to others.
Can be trusted.
Has confidence in me even when I lack it myself.
Enjoys my company.
Sees the things I struggle with as opportunities to love and encourage me, not annoyances.
Shows me respect.
Mourns with me when I am hurting.
Carries me when I can't carry myself.
Is protective.
Shows me that his/her love for me is unconditional not because of what I do, but because I am his/her friend.
This person finds joy and value in our relationship.
He or she can see me just as I am, and love me all the same.
More than anything though, a true friend to me doesn't go anywhere (figuratively, that is), and therein instills confidence in his/her love for me. (Meaning I trust this person is in it for the long run and therefore I don't need to prove anything or constantly make the friendship work).
This is what it means to me to be loved, this is what it means to feel freedom and security in a relationship, and this is what I am thankful for today.
My only perfect friend is Christ, and Christ alone.
But the people like my mom and dad, like Sarah, like Laura, like Hannah, like my younger brother, like Kelli, like Audrey, and esp like Richard.... they love me SO well, and they teach me what it means to be a real friend, and to love in a Christ-like fashion.
Through these examples and more, I have not only been blessed greatly, but have begun to learn how incredibly secure I can be in my relationship with Christ who loves me perfectly.
I can only hope that I will use these things I appreciate as a guide to loving others well. I so often fall short, but I desire to love this way.
In addition, I can only hope that when I am not loved well (or when I do not love well), in a friendship, that that experience can serve a purpose still. Not for the pain in causes, but so that I may learn how to better love others, and can learn the superiority in God's love for me.
After all, if I truly love those in my life, than I'd prefer to be the one who is hurt and learns from it, than to cause hurt for others right?
That's my schpeel on friendships for the day.
:)
Most were around for a bit and then due to distance, differences, and/or whatever we grew apart.
Sustaining friendships is a challenge to start with, and all my transitioning over the last few years has taught me what I really value in a friendship, as well as what causes great harm to me in one.
I don't think friendship is all about what you can get from it, in fact I would suggest that it's more about how you can serve and love others. I don't think friendship is about always doing the right thing either... that's not practical.
Saying that, I can tell you which friends in my life I feel truly loved by, and this is pretty priceless in my opinion.
And I find that the older I get, the more particular I am about the friendships I form. Not to say that I'm looking for the perfect person or am too good to be friends with anyone, not at all. (Let's be honest, I can be a handful so I appreciate anyone who puts up with me over time; ). But having been hurt a great deal from some relationships in the past, I tend to guard my heart a bit more these days.
And as things get busy, as priorities change, and as life throws a few challenges my way, I have begun to learn what a true friend (for me at least) is.
I believe that people, due to differences in backgrounds/personalities/weaknesses/etc. experience love in different ways. So the following probably doesn't apply to everyone, but it is accurate for me:)
A friend who blesses me...
Will almost always let me be me.... with the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not to say he/she won't offer challenge or advice when needed, but that he/she understands that my feeling secure in our relationship might be more valuable than fixing a certain issue.
Strives to be encouraging with words and actions.
Views our relationship as a gift and not a burden.
Listens and understands that generally I just need to talk things out.
Can laugh easily.
Will reassure me when I feel anxious, and not use that moment to tear me down.
Can be honest with me in a graceful way.
Appreciates the person I am.
Doesn't talk poorly about me to others.
Can be trusted.
Has confidence in me even when I lack it myself.
Enjoys my company.
Sees the things I struggle with as opportunities to love and encourage me, not annoyances.
Shows me respect.
Mourns with me when I am hurting.
Carries me when I can't carry myself.
Is protective.
Shows me that his/her love for me is unconditional not because of what I do, but because I am his/her friend.
This person finds joy and value in our relationship.
He or she can see me just as I am, and love me all the same.
More than anything though, a true friend to me doesn't go anywhere (figuratively, that is), and therein instills confidence in his/her love for me. (Meaning I trust this person is in it for the long run and therefore I don't need to prove anything or constantly make the friendship work).
This is what it means to me to be loved, this is what it means to feel freedom and security in a relationship, and this is what I am thankful for today.
My only perfect friend is Christ, and Christ alone.
But the people like my mom and dad, like Sarah, like Laura, like Hannah, like my younger brother, like Kelli, like Audrey, and esp like Richard.... they love me SO well, and they teach me what it means to be a real friend, and to love in a Christ-like fashion.
Through these examples and more, I have not only been blessed greatly, but have begun to learn how incredibly secure I can be in my relationship with Christ who loves me perfectly.
I can only hope that I will use these things I appreciate as a guide to loving others well. I so often fall short, but I desire to love this way.
In addition, I can only hope that when I am not loved well (or when I do not love well), in a friendship, that that experience can serve a purpose still. Not for the pain in causes, but so that I may learn how to better love others, and can learn the superiority in God's love for me.
After all, if I truly love those in my life, than I'd prefer to be the one who is hurt and learns from it, than to cause hurt for others right?
That's my schpeel on friendships for the day.
:)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Days 3-12.... Getting a grip
Okay this title kinda confirms that I'm a slacker.
Buuuut.... much of what I've been thinking through and such is similar to what I talked about early in the month... so in hopes to not scare all readers away, I didn't rewrite the same entry 12 times:)
But, I find that in an effort to seek the Lord I am both surprised and challenged daily. Which I suppose is what it's all about:) I'm intrigued by the things I am learning, and humbled by seeing lots of various things in my life that I hadn't seen before.
God is cool like that.
I'm reading a book that emphasizes the act of looking for things one enjoys/loves throughout the day and therein thanking God for whatever that is along the way. The author shows how by simply appreciating/recognizing the things that bring joy (in the midst of others that are hard or painful), that a person can have a thankful heart that's simply more aware of God and His goodness.
I like this.
A lot.
It makes sense too. In a society driven by success, comfort, and happiness... it's easy to always be looking at those things which may deter us from these "goals". While in-and-of-themselves these goals are not bad, I believe that they can and do often rob us of an accurate perspective.
We get caught up in what we are missing rather than seeing what we actually have.
If I'm being honest, I think part of this just selfishness at the core.
Discontentment due to being far from God is one thing. Discontentment because nothing is EVER enough is another thing.
So in recognizing my too often discontent spirit, I have started to see that it's not a matter of being far from God. It's not a matter of needing to talk with Him or read about Him or be at some religious event every second of the day.
No.
One can seek God by simply looking around to see what there is to be thankful for and recognizing it for what it is.... a gift from Him.
This requires slowing down and being in the moment; two things I am NOT even sort of good at doing.
But when I try for even a few minutes, I am quickly overwhelmed by just how much good there is and just how amazing God is... and just how much my heart and spirit truly do delight in Him.
All that to say, it's easy to get caught up in what's not here, what's wrong with the moment, or a million other distracting and/or disappointing details of life. They are certainly present in this VERY fallen world with us VERY fallen people. But that will kill a person's joy.
That kills my joy... when I choose to let it.
This concept is not about being blind to the evil/bad/shitty aspects of life. It's about being able to walk through life anyway because God is still good. I consider this a joy-sustainer, as it provides true perspective on a daily basis.
aka.... getting a grip.
... being able to see what's wrong and walk right through it because God is with me and He is everywhere. And when I forget to see that, well I tune out, I distract myself, and I simply try to cope. I live like a person without hope.
I am a person with lots of my own issues, lots of concerns, lots of stupid insecurities.
What I am not, is a person without hope. I have hope always and sometimes I just need to practice recognizing that so that I can live accordingly.
That's about it for now:)
Buuuut.... much of what I've been thinking through and such is similar to what I talked about early in the month... so in hopes to not scare all readers away, I didn't rewrite the same entry 12 times:)
But, I find that in an effort to seek the Lord I am both surprised and challenged daily. Which I suppose is what it's all about:) I'm intrigued by the things I am learning, and humbled by seeing lots of various things in my life that I hadn't seen before.
God is cool like that.
I'm reading a book that emphasizes the act of looking for things one enjoys/loves throughout the day and therein thanking God for whatever that is along the way. The author shows how by simply appreciating/recognizing the things that bring joy (in the midst of others that are hard or painful), that a person can have a thankful heart that's simply more aware of God and His goodness.
I like this.
A lot.
It makes sense too. In a society driven by success, comfort, and happiness... it's easy to always be looking at those things which may deter us from these "goals". While in-and-of-themselves these goals are not bad, I believe that they can and do often rob us of an accurate perspective.
We get caught up in what we are missing rather than seeing what we actually have.
If I'm being honest, I think part of this just selfishness at the core.
Discontentment due to being far from God is one thing. Discontentment because nothing is EVER enough is another thing.
So in recognizing my too often discontent spirit, I have started to see that it's not a matter of being far from God. It's not a matter of needing to talk with Him or read about Him or be at some religious event every second of the day.
No.
One can seek God by simply looking around to see what there is to be thankful for and recognizing it for what it is.... a gift from Him.
This requires slowing down and being in the moment; two things I am NOT even sort of good at doing.
But when I try for even a few minutes, I am quickly overwhelmed by just how much good there is and just how amazing God is... and just how much my heart and spirit truly do delight in Him.
All that to say, it's easy to get caught up in what's not here, what's wrong with the moment, or a million other distracting and/or disappointing details of life. They are certainly present in this VERY fallen world with us VERY fallen people. But that will kill a person's joy.
That kills my joy... when I choose to let it.
This concept is not about being blind to the evil/bad/shitty aspects of life. It's about being able to walk through life anyway because God is still good. I consider this a joy-sustainer, as it provides true perspective on a daily basis.
aka.... getting a grip.
... being able to see what's wrong and walk right through it because God is with me and He is everywhere. And when I forget to see that, well I tune out, I distract myself, and I simply try to cope. I live like a person without hope.
I am a person with lots of my own issues, lots of concerns, lots of stupid insecurities.
What I am not, is a person without hope. I have hope always and sometimes I just need to practice recognizing that so that I can live accordingly.
That's about it for now:)
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Worst pool rules ever...
Richard I went to Maui last weekend. Very very VERY fun:) Instead of including the shots of all the beautiful sights, I'm going with the sign next to the hotel pool.
No Marco Polo... seriously?!!
 |
| I find this sign hilarious for too many reasons. :) |
Friday, September 2, 2011
:)
These would be my "gifts" from today. Given to me by my favorite first grade girl, Chloe, whom I nanny every day.
She is hilarious.
We had some one-on-one time today and the following took place:
- A VERY detailed explanation of why she was in tears all last night and this morning... she was scared of the new "pony tail rule" for P.E. This rule is exactly what it sounds like. She was terrified as she has never worn this hairstyle before. However, she reassured me that it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be and in fact, the crying wasn't really necessary.
- An hour and a half homework session in which she did about 10 minutes of work while talking non stop about everything you can imagine. I checked out for awhile during the story about her early preschool years.
- During her reading time, in which she reads aloud, she proceeded to say the type of punctuation in each sentence. "Dear Mom and Dad comma. I love you period...." and so on.
- She made me these sweet crafts for my fridge:) Hopefully she won't figure out I actually suck at drawling ("drowing"), any time soon. Hate to put a damper in our bond and all.
... Love this kid!
Day 2
Nope... I have yet to come up with a more creative title for my posts this month.
Mission to focus my scattered mind on the Lord continues.
People talk about God transforming hearts and minds. I think sheerly knowing Him is a great start to this. I think His word is a great help in this process. But I'm finding that no words written or spoken can really be compared to simply asking God to fellowship with you... continually.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not walking around honolulu trying to over-spiritualize everything. I'm just finding joy and peace in experiencing my relationship with Him in a more consistent way (that is on my part... God never lacks consistency:).
In an odd way, my ability to easily wander in thoughts is blessing this journey of seeking Him out.
Frankly, I'm used to having to try and refocus myself and guide my attention.
Since it's never been easy to put my attention in one place, (ask my mom for some good example and I'm sure she'll provide plenty:), I have a bit more endurance in this attempt, as opposed to feeling disheartened quickly.
In other words... it's not a real shocker when I find my thoughts bouncing all around and needing to focus in. I'll remind myself all day long and that'll actually feel fairly normal... simply a shift in what I'm *trying* to focus on.
Ummm... one observation I have really made over the past two days even, is that when you are asking God to help you focus on Him, you notice A) areas where you really do lack Christ-like thought, and B) how much easier it is to think of others instead of oneself.
So yep... God is kinda cool like that.
If these blogs seem redundant and basic I make no apology--not trying to sound like a spiritual genius here (thankfully since I'm falling way short of that!)... I'm just tellin it how it is.
Off to Maui this weekend. Handsome/thoughtful boyfriend has planned a last minute trip! What a blessing he is:)
Mission to focus my scattered mind on the Lord continues.
People talk about God transforming hearts and minds. I think sheerly knowing Him is a great start to this. I think His word is a great help in this process. But I'm finding that no words written or spoken can really be compared to simply asking God to fellowship with you... continually.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not walking around honolulu trying to over-spiritualize everything. I'm just finding joy and peace in experiencing my relationship with Him in a more consistent way (that is on my part... God never lacks consistency:).
In an odd way, my ability to easily wander in thoughts is blessing this journey of seeking Him out.
Frankly, I'm used to having to try and refocus myself and guide my attention.
Since it's never been easy to put my attention in one place, (ask my mom for some good example and I'm sure she'll provide plenty:), I have a bit more endurance in this attempt, as opposed to feeling disheartened quickly.
In other words... it's not a real shocker when I find my thoughts bouncing all around and needing to focus in. I'll remind myself all day long and that'll actually feel fairly normal... simply a shift in what I'm *trying* to focus on.
Ummm... one observation I have really made over the past two days even, is that when you are asking God to help you focus on Him, you notice A) areas where you really do lack Christ-like thought, and B) how much easier it is to think of others instead of oneself.
So yep... God is kinda cool like that.
If these blogs seem redundant and basic I make no apology--not trying to sound like a spiritual genius here (thankfully since I'm falling way short of that!)... I'm just tellin it how it is.
Off to Maui this weekend. Handsome/thoughtful boyfriend has planned a last minute trip! What a blessing he is:)
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Day 1.
As I wrote about yesterday in my blog... I'm really trying to be intentional about refocusing on the Lord this month, as its come to my attention that I'm a bit too wrapped up in other things.
"A bit" meaning most of the time.
I also explained that my generally scattered brain makes this an obstacle (though not using that as an excuse), but that I'm asking the Lord to teach me how to fellowship with Him throughout my days despite my short attention span.
So moving on...
I opened my Bible to this verse (no joke): "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away," Hebrews 2:1.
Some people think God doesn't have a sense of humor. I would disagree STRONGLY. :)
Anyway, this concept of focusing on the Lord is not rocket science. It's actually extremely basic.
But more-or-less I'm trying to help myself think of things that are glorifying to God continually... and to allow that to shape my perspective/desires/heart.
I'm literally praying "God, help me to focus on you", throughout my day.
I'm a creature of habit. If I can practice praying simple prayers to God throughout the day, I'll continue to do it forever probably. That's the plus of being a creature of habit.
Only problem is... I haven't been practicing these habits very diligently.... ever, really.
Sure I read my Bible, listen to music, go to church, try to pray... but these are short parts of the day that I mostly have implemented because I know I should, or in times of great pain/fear. Both reasons are not bad ones to seek the Lord, but I'd like to do so just out of love for Him and desire to serve Him. I'd like to do so out of simply desiring to have His company, rather than need or obligation.
And well, right now I truly do desire His company... Because I live in paradise, have my needs basically met, and am loved well by a very good man. I am loved greatly by a strong family, am healthy, am generally loved well by friends, and... somehow, it's not enough.
Most of the time I feel guilty about this "not enough" mindset. I feel like a brat for having that mentality when I've been blessed and provided for in so many ways.
I also feel guilty because I actually don't struggle with doubting God is good or that He loves me or that He has a plan. I feel very confident about those things--unswervingly confident actually.... so that should be enough to satisfy me, right?
It's not.
Having bits and pieces of God here-and-there, and strong confidence that He is everything He claims to be is not enough.
And I guess for the first time today, I really have been thinking that it might be okay that I feel this way. That maybe its not a reflection of just a selfish and undeserving heart (though it can be at times!), but more of my true desire to be close to God.
So my day 1: Realizing that trying to live in fellowship with God is difficult/not natural, but worth seeking out. Realizing that I like to be in control and have a hold on things, but that I can't do that and simultaneously surrender my life to God. And realizing that my discontentment may be more of a reflection of my heart's true desires that only God can fill, rather than of my own weakness.
Stay tuned for day 2.
"A bit" meaning most of the time.
I also explained that my generally scattered brain makes this an obstacle (though not using that as an excuse), but that I'm asking the Lord to teach me how to fellowship with Him throughout my days despite my short attention span.
So moving on...
I opened my Bible to this verse (no joke): "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away," Hebrews 2:1.
Some people think God doesn't have a sense of humor. I would disagree STRONGLY. :)
Anyway, this concept of focusing on the Lord is not rocket science. It's actually extremely basic.
But more-or-less I'm trying to help myself think of things that are glorifying to God continually... and to allow that to shape my perspective/desires/heart.
I'm literally praying "God, help me to focus on you", throughout my day.
I'm a creature of habit. If I can practice praying simple prayers to God throughout the day, I'll continue to do it forever probably. That's the plus of being a creature of habit.
Only problem is... I haven't been practicing these habits very diligently.... ever, really.
Sure I read my Bible, listen to music, go to church, try to pray... but these are short parts of the day that I mostly have implemented because I know I should, or in times of great pain/fear. Both reasons are not bad ones to seek the Lord, but I'd like to do so just out of love for Him and desire to serve Him. I'd like to do so out of simply desiring to have His company, rather than need or obligation.
And well, right now I truly do desire His company... Because I live in paradise, have my needs basically met, and am loved well by a very good man. I am loved greatly by a strong family, am healthy, am generally loved well by friends, and... somehow, it's not enough.
Most of the time I feel guilty about this "not enough" mindset. I feel like a brat for having that mentality when I've been blessed and provided for in so many ways.
I also feel guilty because I actually don't struggle with doubting God is good or that He loves me or that He has a plan. I feel very confident about those things--unswervingly confident actually.... so that should be enough to satisfy me, right?
It's not.
Having bits and pieces of God here-and-there, and strong confidence that He is everything He claims to be is not enough.
And I guess for the first time today, I really have been thinking that it might be okay that I feel this way. That maybe its not a reflection of just a selfish and undeserving heart (though it can be at times!), but more of my true desire to be close to God.
So my day 1: Realizing that trying to live in fellowship with God is difficult/not natural, but worth seeking out. Realizing that I like to be in control and have a hold on things, but that I can't do that and simultaneously surrender my life to God. And realizing that my discontentment may be more of a reflection of my heart's true desires that only God can fill, rather than of my own weakness.
Stay tuned for day 2.
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