Now What?

Step 1: Obtain a sewing machine.

Why yes.. it does so happen to match my apartment and that does bring me way too much joy. 

Check.

Step 2: Learn to use it.

No check.

If anyone has any great tips for how to get from step 1 to step 2, I'm all ears...

I can think of the obvious mechanisms that may help... purchase a book like "Idiot's Guide to Using A Sewing Machine", look up instructional videos online, get a pattern and just go for it... yeah yeah... but I'm asking where is the best place to start; best place to avoid getting extremely frustrated and throwing the new machine across the room, (oh hush, I live by myself... it's not like anyone would get hurt).

For those who don't know me, I'm a kinesthetic learner and a verbal processor. Aka I have to literally do something myself, (several times), while talking about it before I really learn anything.

Sound like a pain in the ass way to learn things? Yep, it is.

How can you talk about something you don't know how to do yet?? You can't. Unless you are me... and then you just talk about it until you figure it out; process of elimination at it's greatest, (or worst:).

So yeah... need to get from step 1 to step 2 and would love advice from anyone that actually knows how to use a sewing machine.

Enough Of These (insert favorite adjective for expressing extreme hatred) Natural Disasters...

I wrote about the Tsunami scare a few weeks ago. Yeah yeah... it could have been bad, I lost a little sleep, learned my boyfriend really doesn't get phased by anything, and had a big sigh of relief when nothing of real danger happened that day.

Big whoop.

The very minimal fear is barely even memorable at this point.

Yesterday afternoon however, is a whole other story...

I called my mom to tell her that I need her to be here to shop with me (me expressing that I miss her:). She answered the phone and following a quick hello said, "Do you know what happened to Jordan today? Have you talked to your father yet?"

Now allow me to explain something about my parents. Give them something that seems stupid/ unimportant/easily over-looked and they will have a big reaction to get my brothers' and my attention quickly.

"What do you mean these dishes look clean to you?!", "Did you seriously leave the lights on AGAIN?", "You better have a doctor look at that if it still hurts... call and make an appointment TODAY!", "Hurry up we are always late!!!", etc. Their voices have no problem rising to the occasion when they are trying to get a point across, (no way? a pastor can do that?? Crazy... I know).

Saying that... when the world seems to be collapsing, something is extremely wrong or concerning, and/or someone is in very real danger... my parents get calm... almost creepishly calm. You may be thinking, "oh yeah, my parents do that too!". Nope, not like mine... trust me.

I'm certain this demeanor is a product of God's grand design and environmental influence. Both parents work daily with people in distress. That's not an opinion, it's a fact.

So when I called yesterday and my mom asked me in an ever-so-somber voice if I had heard what happened to my younger brother and if had I spoken with my father yet... my heart sunk. I've always known I had the capacity to have too many thoughts an emotions (pretty much on a daily basis:), but holy crap I never realized I could experience so many in such a short time.

It was like all of a sudden everything around me got blurry and I felt incredibly nauseous. I even remember replaying the question in my head before I responded to her... not really sure what she was about to say, but absolutely certain it wasn't good.

Once I could respond and tell her no I hadn't, she informed me that Jordan (my younger brother), had been within a half mile of a MASSIVE tornado that caused a lot of damage to the Tuscaloosa, Alabama, his college town. She told me that he was safe, but that all the electricity was out, and he was out searching for a missing student with some friends. After hearing a few more details, she told me she had to run and hung up the phone.

*Big sigh of relief*.

Followed by many prayers thanking the Lord that Jordan is still alive and well.

Followed by a sinking in my stomach just thinking about how close he was to this disaster, how easily he could have been hurt or killed, and how incredibly incredibly INCREDIBLY devastated I would be if anything bad happened to him.

I know that "life happens". I know that life includes pain and loss and hurt. I get that. Due to my parent's respective jobs, I grew up around all sorts of sad stories and people going through horrific things. I have heard testimony after testimony of heart break and turmoil. I've heard stories within my own family that made me very sad. I have experienced (though on a smaller scale of course) a good deal of my own pain trying to figure this whole "life" thing out.

So don't tell me that I'm naive to pain in the world. I'm not. I know that life is hard, and I'm sure I'll continue to learn it more and more along the way.

But can I just say... there isn't much I want more than my younger brother to be alive and well. Very VERY few things would top that desire. I would prefer that above my own well-being, any personal achievement on this earth, all the money in the world, and just about anything.

He is my brother (k duh we got that...), one of my best friends, a good man, a leader, hilarious, calm by nature, gifted beyond what he knows, aware of more than he realizes, kind, generous, thoughtful, patient, and so, SO much fun to be around. He is amazing. He can be difficult and stubborn... but he is wonderful. I couldn't be more proud of him and there's nothing I think he can't do (other than maybe be overly chatty of course:).

Point being... I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness that my brother is okay. I give credit to the Lord entirely, and I cannot praise Him enough for Jordan's safety. I am also so thankful just to have him in my life... reminded of what a joy he is:)

My heart hurts for all those who are experiencing pain and loss due to the tornados. It was and continues to be a true tragedy, and while I feel so blessed that Jordan is okay, I am also very sad for those who are not.

If you are like me (a Jordan fan:), be sure to thank the Lord that he is okay today, and along with that send out prayers for all those who are hurting.

I pray that God will somehow use what is intended for evil for good, and that He will comfort all those in pain tonight.

... but for real, enough of the natural disasters already!!!

Garage Sales and Thrift Stores

All of my growing up years my mother drug me along to garage sales and thrift stores in search of fun "treasures". Truth-be-told I never really understood what all the excitement was about. If anything, I just thought it was odd and really boring. This type of shopping didn't sound fun because if I made any money at all, there were things I would rather spend it on. Not to mention that if we found a REALLY great deal, my generous mother would already be buying it for me (she spoils me, I know).

Then I grew up (sort of), graduated college (shocking I know), moved out of my house and to an island, and got a job that requires I live on a very tight budget.

Oh and of course I moved into my very first apartment as an adult... an apartment that needed to be decorated.

So now that I've hit a spot in life where I'm just sort of "being" rather than working towards some big goal, I've found that the combination of free time and trying to make the most of what I do have has led me to love bargain shopping. It's like this weird outlet for my energy and creativity.

I have included just a few of the many examples I could provide. Money details were added just because it's a testament to the value of bargain shopping as well as creative ways God provides (perhaps) the little things some times:).

Couch, brown table, wine glass holder, fruit basket, and bowl with candle in it  = less than $130

Shirts (4), dresses (2), skirt, hat, movies (3), shaw thingy (with other real name that I can't think of), painting, candles (2), trash can (not pictured) = less than $40

Bowl = $5 (half off at Goodwill) 

Battleship game = $1, table/stand against wall = $2... Richard = not for sale.

"Blessings"

I have shared lots of the exciting moments in my journey here in Hawaii so far, but I have held back on writing about some of the more frustrating and confusing moments.  I love this blog and I love sharing through it, but it has been incomplete and so I'm going to attempt to be a little more real (not with every post obviously.. nobody likes the downer chick). 

I'm not good at sharing the hard stuff, so I'm just going to start with a little glimpse. 

It's hard to move to new places and it's difficult to start all over. Some people have a few changes over time. I, however, like to jump all in and drown myself for awhile until I learn to swim. I've always been this way and I probably always will be this way. My friends have commented that I tend to do things "the hard way" (which I'm sure is painful to watch at times:); I can't really disagree with that assessment and Hawaii was no exception. 

When I got on a plane last August I was jumping semi-blindly... backed only by my love for Richard, advice given by a few I trust, and my own conversations with God. That's it. 

Hear me say loud-and-clear that I know people go through WAY harder things than this. In the spectrum of struggles and hardships, this barely even makes it. But for me, it has been a challenge. I am a creature of habit, and it takes time to form habits in new places. I'm ADD, and therefore simply remembering the basic things like where stores are located and what I need to do at certain times during the day take effort. I'm not an idiot, but my memory is crap. All that to say, when I'm in a place that is familiar, I am much more at ease than if it is new and unfamiliar. 

And of course I moved to be with a guy that I'm still "only dating". I received a good deal of criticism about this from a lot of people. While I don't agree with how many responded to me, I do understand why there was concern. Frankly, it's a big-ass risk to take with my heart and life. A risk that requires everything I have and could very very very easily blow up in my face. 

I was aware of this and took the risk all the same. To be honest, I felt very strongly that this was (and is) where the Lord was leading me, and so I went.  I knew what it could cost because I'd left and lost in the past... and God had provided then, and would provide when I needed Him. 

But can I just say, nobody could have prepared me for this. Nobody could have prepared me for the ups and downs of turning my whole life around, for the amount of pressure I would feel to make it all work, and for the amount of emotion I would experience along the way. Nobody. 

Richard has been an amazing gift through this time; patient, kind, and attentive to me. Some people see his place in all this as a breeze, but it is anything but that. He, like myself, has had to turn his life around and feel pressure to make it all work out. It is a lot, and continues to push us both and our relationship beyond what we would have expected. 

Through this time I have questioned just about everything, been frustrated far more than I'd ever admit, and learned more about myself, Richard, and God than I would have thought possible. It's turned me upside-down and inside-out, and although I hate to admit it, I am thankful for every step of the way. 

I have doubted everything here. I have felt the loss or potential loss of everything I care about since I arrived and it has seriously kicked my ass, (and continues to kick my ass):). 

But no matter what; no matter what was going wrong, confusing me, disappointing me, frustrating me... no matter WHAT... God and His comfort has remained my resting place. A resting place that far surpasses any family member, place, boyfriend, job, or comfort. His presence and His love have carried me the whole way. I never doubted they would, but experiencing that firsthand has taught me just how precious that gift is. And I'm thankful and humbled by it all the time. 

I recently downloaded a song during a rough day I was having, and I found the lyrics to be very encouraging:) 

This song was written by an artist named Laura Story. I researched her and learned that her husband has a tumor and her "story" is pretty incredible. While I would not even BEGIN to compare her pain to my experience, I find her words to be applicable and comforting. Below is a quote and the lyrics to the song. Check it out on ITunes when you get a chance. 

"What does it look like when I spend years praying for healing for my husband that never comes? I feel like we’ve gotten to a place of having to make a choice- are we going to judge God based on our circumstances that we don’t understand? Or are we going to chose to judge our circumstances based on what we hold to be true of God? I’m learning that every morning when I wake up, to choose to trust God. And that’s what “blessings” is about. It’s just considering… MAYBE THE BLESSING IS ACTUALLY FOUND IN THE ABSENCE OF THE THING THAT I’M PRAYING FOR."

-Laura Story

LAURA STORY - "BLESSINGS" LYRICS

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I'm pretty sure that my mom is cooler than I am...

So I'm a slacker blogger, I know. I actually have several entries I have been meaning to write, but the next one in line was about my mom's visit two weeks ago...  And well I'm still semi-pouting that she had to leave, so I've avoided writing it.

Anyway...

She came to Hawaii to stay with me for a week; a friday to a friday. Which was not even CLOSE to enough time to tell her all my thoughts about every topic under the sun, show her the entire island, introduce her to everyone in my life here, go out to all the fun places to eat, have down time to just relax and do nothing, and.... shop (of course). However we did fit a little bit of all of that in throughout the week. 

That Saturday and Sunday Richard chauffeured  us around the island; stopping along the way to see the sites, eat some fresh shrimp, go to the botanical gardens, hit up a farmer's market, see the Doll pineapple factory, and watch a few people almost drowned at the beach (calm down, calm down... we didn't go there TO watch the action... just so happened to occur then... ha:). Thank goodness my mom likes to be active, because we fit a lot in! 

This is her right off the plane... looking too cute to have just flown for 12 hours. Richard picked out such a pretty lei for her!!!  

Richard tried to play hide-and-seek at the Doll factory. 

Random jewelry shop on the side of the road?? Of course... Have you met her?

I'm still convinced they make most of that crap up on the "information boards".

My only complaint for the week would be that it was SO windy!! (See hair for evidence). 

Mom with a turtle. 

We had a wonderful week and I feel so blessed to have had a few days where I didn't have to share her with anyone else. (Yes, I realize that is selfish... I don't care). 

Thanks mom for making the trip and being the great woman you are; thanks Richard for helping show her around and for being the handy man for adding decorations to may new place; thanks dad for flying mom out here; and thank you Lord for blessing me with the time and mother for such a wonderful week:)

Oh yeah... and in light of our week together and continuing to see my mom as more of a friend, and not just a mom (they say that happens with age... guess I'm getting old!), I have decided that she is most definitely cooler than I am. A decision based on being reminded of her superior fashion sense, love for fun, and laid back personality. I have come to terms. Oh well... 

:)