Father-Daughter Dance

Nate's first "Father-Daughter dance". 

LOVE it. 

So much:) 

One can only hope...

This has been a looooooong week.

Money tight, twisted ankle, construction on the house where I work as well as my apartment complex (talk about a lot of drilling...), unable to exercise, and fairly positive I'm coming down with some sort of cold virus.

Gross.

Have I mentioned how well I handle change/lack of physical activity/loud, repetitive noises??

Not well at all.

In the midst of it all I've had to slow down, and yada yada yada all that goes along with that.

And I guess in the midst of it, I've been reminded how blessed I am to be loved by God, as well as Richard.

What a great comfort they both are (clearly God trumps boyfriend... but he's still pretty great:).

Sometimes I can get so wrapped up in trying to control life and get everything done that I forget how blessed I am just to be able to run around (well normally), enjoy this beautiful place, and have fun with Richard.

Which I must just say... I have decided, after this crazy-uncomfortable week and my worst coming out, that Richard is a mix between a superhero and a disney prince.

....... But really.

Thanks God, for all you provide. Thanks for reminding me how much I have to be thankful for to start with. Maybe even when I don't feel like crap and life isn't crazy I can still remember these things:)....

.... one can only hope.

A blessing, I suppose.

I love this island, I truly do. Its beauty and mysteriousness is intriguing and wonderful. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. It has been such an adventure and I love it more and more all the time:)

With all of that said... It is far. And that is harder than I had realized it would be, and something that I have to continually work to comprehend/accept.

This is a challenge that I trust the Lord has allowed, but it is a challenge all the same.

I miss those that I love so dearly ALL the time.

It is hard to explain how being 'away' from people can feel different due to proximity, but it does.

So yeah... Such is life.

I wouldn't trade being on this island with Richard for an easier route. It is far too exciting and adventurous to wish that.

But sometimes I miss my family.

Sometimes I miss my friends (those very very precious few that I'm still close to).

And sometimes I just miss not feeling so far.

So that's my update.

Keeping in touch with people is a constant challenge due to A) the time difference, and B) the fact that talkin to them just makes me miss them that much more.

...A blessing, I suppose:)

Working with kids...

Working with kids = a daily realization that I lack patience, grace, and strength.

A few hours a day with three children is enough to exhaust me in ways I didn't even realize were possible.

They are loud, messy, attention-needing, insecure, often confused, frequently helpless, and truly in need of growth.

And the more they break me, the more time that passes, and the greater I get to know them... I care THAT much more.

I care that much more that they do well.

I care that much more that they feel loved.

I care that much more for their safety and health.

And I care that much much more, (and therefore see more often) when I fail to love them well.

....

My God is amazing.

His ability and decision to love his broken children flawlessly, no matter what... it's a true testament to His perfection and character.

Funny how often we think it's about us and our actions, when it's clearly all about Him.

:)

Not a pleasant entry.

Warning: this is a less than pleasant blog entry.

Tonight I over heard physical abuse happening in the apartment across from mine. I'm not talking an argument and a few loud sounds, I'm talking about a pounding sound SO loud and repetitive that I wondered if a gun was being shot, yelling VERY loudly, and dogs howling just from the noise.

I don't know what was happening in the apartment.

All I heard was a person screaming 'I didn't do anything wrong' over and over again.

All I saw was a child, no older than 10 years old, freaking out on the porch; clearly GREATLY disturbed by whatever was going on. A boy holding his head in his hands, screaming and shaking, and later yelled at by whoever was inside.

The police showed up before I could get the address to call them myself, praise God.

I get that this isn't a happy blog entry, but sadly its real life.

Reality is that physical abuse happens all over the country, all the time. I've heard stories from people I love about their own heartbreaking experiences.

And I just have to say... I think, with ALL my heart, that it's awful. I know grace must be shown to everyone, but if I'm honest, I greatly struggle to have anything resembling grace for abusers.

I just hate that it happens, to anyone, anywhere. I really hate it. I hate that it's happened to people I know, and in all sincerity... I just don't understand. I don't understand how people can hurt others so much. And it makes me angry.

That's my rant for the night.

Frankly, it's amazing that God can forgive anyone on this earth. We are such broken people... And I'm so thankful that He is far more gracious than I am.

Confessions...

No, I'm not referring to the Usher album.

Just time I admit a few things:
- I love usher. Still. Dance/look like him, and you are awesome.
- I love Taylor Swift. Always.
- I eat in the middle of the night... All the time.
- I forget to eat in the middle of the day... All the time.
- I think athletes are better than non athletes (shut up Sarah).
- I play Words with Friends FAR too much.
- I'd trade anyone (but Richard) for my mom to live here. If that offends you, then you haven't met my mom.
- I love wine. Probably too much.
- I have developed a love for TV since moving to Hawaii. Pan AM, The New Girl, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, The Office, Modern Family, Two Broke Chicks, etc... Sadly true.
- I hate watching sports. I'll play all day long, but hate watching it.
- I'm self-conscience of my frisbee (or lack-there-of) skills.
- I'm confident that my boyfriend is a FAR nicer person than I am.
- I hate living in Hawaii sometimes... Like when it means maybe missing out on big things like my neice's birth and my friend's wedding. UGH.
- I also love the island for EVERYTHING but the distance from the mainland.
- I'm positive that my mom has a better sense of style than I do... Still.
- I love my life.
- I don't give a shit about achieving in the working world. I used to, I probably should... But I don't. And it's kind of nice.
- I'm thankful; for the good, the bad, the ugly, the painful... I'm thankful. It makes me who I am.
- I think Richard is better than any other guy. So much so that sometimes I feel guilty that no one else has anyone as great... sincerely.
- I like rap music and plan to forever.
- On sad days I've cried just wanting to hug my dad. I consider that problem a blessing.
- Christian radio station talk show hosts drive me CRAZY. I love Jesus... I also like talking like a real person.
- I'd get my hair cut if I wasn't so cheap.
- I love to organize... Anything.
- I struggle to enjoy church. I feel like I'm being watched... Pastor's kid syndrome. It's annoying.
- I love to dance, write, do anything competitive, laugh, and be a smart ass.
- I believe God is good; above all else.

... There's my random
list of confessions:)

Simple at the moment

Aloha.

Sarah told me to blog... So yeah.

Life is... Simple at the moment.

After an emotional and stressful fall season, I was blessed with a relaxing Christmas. Seeing family and a little time away seems to have truly refreshed my heart, and reminded me of just how much I have to be thankful for right now.

It seems as though I spent my last year stressed out and overwhelmed. A lot of questions and concerns, and not sure what was going on.

Frankly, January 2012 is like a breath if fresh air.

I know my way around. I'm comforable in my job. I'm making new friends. Richard and I are figuring things out, and falling more and more in love (though often frustrated:)every day. I'm being challenged in new ways which is both irritating (hello pride...), and a blessing.

I think the Lord has shown me how selfish, irritable, and prideful I am. That I have a tendency to seek out my own comfort and joy in order to sustain a seemingly secure identity.
I think He is showing me that my identity cannot be found in any relationship.

However, I also think He is teaching me that He has created me with certian steengths.

I'm loyal, loving, self-controlled, and sensitive (for better-or-worse ha). But I'm learning that these attributes are not accidental, but perhaps intentionally provided.

And I'm learning that it's okay to protect my heart, to feel the way I do, and to let go of things I simply can't control... Even if it hurts.

And truthfully... I'm just enjoying where I am, with all that is here, despite all that's missing or concerning... I'm just glad for all of the above.

I think sometimes you just have to stop and appreciate where you are, wherever that is... and I sure am:)

Richard is on a trip with his small group this week. Such a relaxing time, and a great reminder of what a gift he is in my life. He is so patient, so strong, so attentive, so gracious, and such a man of character... I just couldn't ask for anything better:)

I honestly never thought I could enjoy one person's company so much! I swear... I'm in love with the greatest man in the world. So stupid to phrase it that way, but I love knowing that it's how I really feel. What a gift!

Can't wait to hear all about his trip!!!

That's the update.