A Parents' Guide For Hiring a Nanny: What NOT to do

Okay, let me preface this entry by saying that I'm aware that I am not a parent and that I can't claim to understand the experience or that relationship in the way an actual parent is able to. I'm not claiming to know everything in the realm of childcare, but as a nanny of too many years to count (or admit), I'd like to address this topic.

I am currently enrolled in an online nannying website that allows caregivers and parents to touch base, set, up interviews, etc. Fortunately I have successfully found two jobs through this tool; both of which I really like. Those I had interviewed with up to this point where respectful, grounded, and very straight forward.

Until last night, that is.

A women contacted me asking if I would like to watch her 18 month old for 4 hours a week. No biggie... maybe I could start grocery shopping with the extra cash and all. However when I called her back she proceeded to explain in detail how she wants her child to be watched.

*She (in a VERY high-strung voice) explained that she has different "activity sections" set up in her house, and wants her child to stay at each section for increments of 30 minutes. At NO time should her child EVER watch TV. The family's current nanny is a newly hired college professor, and she wants someone who will work on language skills with the child. Oh and to top it all off, she is pregnant with another baby and will be staying home to "monitor" me for the first two months or so.*

After listening to her ramble on for 15 minutes about what she was looking for, I kindly said that I wasn't sure exactly what my schedule was, but I knew I was going to be trying to fit in a few classes (meaning like Yoga or Pilates... later taken out-of-context) in the morning so I would get back to her if I was interested.

Click. Conversation over. What a spaz.

I wake up this morning to see that she had written a review about me and posted it on my profile through the site. Please see the review below....

Disappointed-Be Alarmed

When I reviewed Katherine's profile-she claimed to be honest and professional. I first asked Katherine if she was a student and she said no. I explained in conversation that I would like morning hours. She said this was great and her profile shows these hours to be available. However, as soon as I mentioned that I would be in the home for the beginning of a new sitters time with my daughter-she immediately said that she would have to check with her boyfriends schedule and that she might be signing up for classes. She then said that she would email me if she was interested. Many mothers do not leave their children alone with sitters right at the beginning. Parents should be very alarmed when a sitter is uncomfortable with the parents being in the home -Concerned Parent
............  

No no... I'm not kidding. I talked to this women for a total of 15 minutes, if even that. She was so busy telling me the details of what she wanted that she failed to ask me a single question about myself (other than my availability), and when I took the respectful and pain-free route of telling her I wasn't sure about schedules but would get back to her, she proceeded to assume and tell others that I am not only a liar, but someone that can't be trusted with children.

SERIOUSLY???

Who does that?!

I wrote back a very small response to her review... because I'm not about to waste my time trying to justify my trustworthiness to this loony. But for the record, this is what I would have liked to say:

"Dear Ma'am,

The reason I so quickly got off the phone (once you let me get a word in edgewise), was because you are NOT the kind of parent I'm willing to work for. To the world, it may look like you are a caring, dedicated, and hard-working parent. To me however, your over-attention to detail, seemingly paranoid response to things, and obviously controlling nature aren't worth the $15 an hour. I'm sure you try very very hard and have the best of intentions, but I won't run a Montessori program in your living room while you are there monitoring and critiquing my every move. I mean seriously, kill me now.

Could I use this job? Yes. Am I perfectly capable of doing what you ask? Most definitely.

The problem, my over-achieving woman, is that I cannot work in a way that is contrary to what I believe is right, true, and loving. When I watch children, I care for them and I care about how I do my job. I don't think that loving children well means creating a stressful and controlling environment for them, and I refuse to contribute to that goal. I believe in doing what's best for the child, and if you can't handle allowing another person to play some role in discerning what that is while you are away (that is if you EVER actually went away), then you probably shouldn't bother leaving your child with me. It's an insult for you to tell me step-by-step what you child should do, or to insist on having that kind of control over the situation.

Putting all of that aside, let me ASSURE you that in approximately 12 years your kid isn't going to want to be in the same room as you, and will resent everything you tell he or she to do.

I have no problem with parents wanting a certain routine or desiring to leave the TV off... those are probably wise calls. I can follow direction to the T, but if the intention appears to be anything but love for a child, I'm out. Needing to micro-manage every aspect of a child's life is a sign of fear, selfishness, and lack of perspective... NOT love.

Sincerely,

K-A-T-H-A-R-I-N-E. (please try to spell my name correctly next time)"

........

Too harsh?? Maybe. But come on parents, get a grip. I understand it's a scary thing to leave your child with another person and to let go a bit of the control, but please know that you are messing up your kid's life if you constantly need everything to go a certain way.

Am I irritated? Most definitely. Not only because of this woman's obvious lack of knowledge about good parenting, but also because of how she reacted to my decision not to pursue an interview. I have EVERY right not to pursue a job... and the fact that she chose to write accusations that could really effect me and my relationship with other parents is extremely frustrating. Especially given the fact that she has never even met me!

So I'll complete my rambling with this list of things employers do that I appreciate:
-Understanding that your child is NOT the center-of-the-universe... and not asking me to create an environment that suggests that is true.
-Treating me like the educated adult that I am.
-Wanting your child to enjoy a new person, (rather than feeling so paranoid about the process that you have to be apart of every step, even when not present).
-Acting like an adult.

So that's my update for the day. On the bright side I'm learning all sorts of things about what I don't want to do when I'm a parent.

Thanks to the Denckoff and Wilson families who knew how to be great parents and good employers:)