Balance

Okay so lately I feel like I'm in chronic vacation mode. Which would be cool, except that the vacation mode is also combined with real life things like running errands, working, and actually sleeping on occasion.

Or at least it should be that way.

The tricky part is allowing oneself to enjoy this place without getting so completely worn out by keeping an unrealistic schedule. Up until the last few weeks, I have been able to do this because honestly, I didn't care all that much about doing anything in particular. 

I don't have that much actual responsibility. So don't hear me complaining about being overloaded on that front. But I do have some, and also recently increased passions for being active, doing fun things, and staying up late far too often. (Rough life, I know). 

Now I just must throw this out there... I technically had a degree which included a "health promotion" concentration. Yes, they do in fact let people study something like that in school. I loved studying it, and I actually think it provided me some amazing tools for life (though perhaps not as many for income:). The basic focus of my studies was how to help people take care of themselves despite challenges from whatever lifestyle they are living. Nope, not rocket science people. I'm supposed to (and like to think I am) a pro at knowing how to be creative and make goals in order to be and stay healthy. 

Confession: sometimes I'm a slacker. Right now, I'm a slacker. Not by any astronomical means... but by my own standards. I don't try to reach perfection in my habits (I'm actually against that idea), but I do hold some high standards for myself. Why? Because I know how to do it, I know the consequences of not doing it, and I really do enjoy when my schedule and lifestyle is contributing to my health. 

It's like a dentist not taking care of his or her teeth. It sorta makes me nuts when I'm not doing the things I learned, or at least attempting it. 

Who cares about all this??

Probably just me. But with the trips this summer, the visitors in town, the even warmer weather, the change of my work schedule, the still trying to pursue a fun dating life and grow in our relationship, the getting to know more girls, the planning for my next trip (in only a week mind you), the entertaining three kids several hours a day, the trying to keep up with a bunch of boys all the time... Well, it's gotten me fairly exhausted.

So slow down, right? Stop complaining and do less and get more sleep, right? Ultimately yes, but not as easy as it sounds. 

Here is why it is a challenge: This is the first time in almost two years that I have had an actual desire to have enough going on in my life to keep me occupied.

So despite being exhausted... this is a good sign. Because for a good portion of my post-college life and living here I had lost a lot of my desire and motivation for life. With the transitioning from school and then to here, I just sort of shut down and tried to get by with it all. 

Richard and I were discussing the other night how I take great comfort in relationships with people I am close to, but that I can be fairly uncomfortable around those I don't know that well. And it's true. Leaving college friends and then my family has, to some degree, kind of broken my heart. Such is life--but true all the same. 

So now, as I realize at some point in the last few weeks I started doing TOO much because I actually WANT TO do what I'm doing... I'm pretty excited. About freaking time, frankly. 

But this brings me back to issue #1... I need to slow down, to rest more, and to take more time to be still. Because it's amazing to have a new excitement for life and all, but as with all things, I need to find some balance. Balance so that I don't go nuts. 

Balance that IS starting this week... mark my words. Though I can be a slacker, if I come to terms with a bad habit forming I try to kill it fast. So more sleep it is!